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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in i_shake_babies' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, December 12th, 2010
12:41 am
First Post in Over a Year!
I forgot I had this thing.

...That sounded sexual.

I don't know what to say since last I writ. I guess a few things happened to me.
- I moved off the reservation to Grand Forks to attend the University of North Dakota and I was pretty excited and taking chemistries and calculuses and was certain I'd be a doctor by now. However, I struggled with basically everything there and have decided to quit school and pretend I am educated enough with a 2 year.
- I moved back to the reservation and had a mental breakdown. And they wanted to put me in in-patient at the hospital so I wouldn't hurt myself. But I refused.
- I got my job back, and healed some relationships and I'm back to normal and better than ever.
- I kinda sorta fell in love this summer. With the most beautiful girl in the world. But I shied away because I truly felt like she deserved better. I can't date perfection without constantly questioning myself.

I have a facebook now. It has consumed my life. Moreso than myspace ever has.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=hp#!/eric.j.hamley

That is all.

Current Mood: crazy
Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
4:10 pm
As Joey Says, "Whoah!"
I sometimes forget LJ exists. So I had to stuff it full of another useless entry after 84 weeks. Wowzers! 84 weeks...that's like 4 years isn't it? Yes it is.
OK it's not.
I'm not good with numbers.
I just took the stankiest pooey in the bathroom while waiting impatiently for class to start. We have a lab in Chemistry. Which I enjoy as much as digging through garbage bags with tampons. They're an added bonus because they boost my grade being there every time.
I'm running out of things to entertain me now.
I need to crap again. I should have wore underwear today. I'm afraid I'm leaking through as we speak and some church lady will notice a dark barn stain in the shape of the face of Jesus and people will come far and wide to worship me and I'll never be able to change them.
Uh...yeah.
ej

Current Mood: kill me
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
7:46 pm
Racist Homophobic Rants About Canadian/US Immigration
Long time, no post.

Just came to say, I am trying to move to Winnipeg because it's only 2 1/2 hrs away and the next biggest city is Minneapolis 9 hrs away. And I love Canada and have missed Much Music since it became Fuse.

So I was researching dual citizenship. In school they taught us that Native Americans can become dual citizens specifically and is the only dual citizenship recognized in the US (it is not illegal to have dual citizenship, it is just unrecognized meaning if you were a dual citizen of Canada and the US but were born in the US the US would recognize you as an American only, however you would have to give up your citizenship if you were from another country moving to the US; Canada does not prohibit dual citizenship in this way). Anyway, I found no such info about Native Americans automatically becoming dual citizens per their request.

The only downside I did find about being a dual citizen is that I would no longer be able to work for the IRS typing their documents. Or ever be able to hold a government-entrusted job like it ever again. And therefore I can't afford to apply for citizenship while at this job because I need money. But the only way I would quit this job is if I was set up in Canada before I actually moved.

So in researching dual citizenship I came across this article:

Thousands of Americans Heading North, by MARCUS BARAM,ABC News

It may seem like a quiet country where not much happens besides ice hockey, curling and beer drinking. But our neighbor to the north is proving to be quite the draw for thousands of disgruntled Americans.

The number of U.S. citizens who moved to Canada last year hit a 30-year high, with a 20 percent increase over the previous year and almost double the number who moved in 2000. In 2006, 10,942 Americans went to Canada, compared with 9,262 in 2005 and 5,828 in 2000.

Of course, those numbers are still outweighed by the number of Canadians going the other way. Last year, 23,913 Canadians moved to the United States ... and 29,930 Canadians immigrated to the US in 2005.

"There has been a definite increase in the past five years - the number hasn't exceeded 10,000 since 1977," says Jack Jedwab, the association's executive director. ... The current increase appears to be fueled largely by social and political reasons, says Jedwab, based on anecdotal evidence.


And these are the disturbing comments on fuckfrance.com :

Losing 9000 fags and communists every year is good thing!

That's about the size of it. I've got nothing against gay people. Really. Let them live their lives in peace and demand that they don't disturb our peace. But, that group has become the most militant America hating crowd ever. They side with our enemies and then when our government does not agree with their sagacity they decide to cry, throw a fit, gather in their toys, and head north. Good luck to them. Hope the Canadians can summon patience for this group. Personally, if I were a Canadian I would not want these people.
They must be fucking Democrats. Look at the good thing.. at the next elections there will be less votes for Shitlary.

Let them move. The country won't miss them. But strip their citizenship when they do, then they can't return.

I am all for freedom of movement, but the problem is that most Canadians who move to the States are ambitious workaholics while most Americans who move to Canada are flaming leftists.
I personally prefer French immigrants to American immigrants.

I am sure the percentage of Canadians working in the U.S. is much greater than the percentage of Americans working in Canada.
I work with about 15 of the commie bastards in a company of 65 in the Detroit area. Most of the Canucks are OK as long as you make sure they know who's boss. With the proper training, a snow nigger is just as good as any other third world citizen.

...the point is, Canadians flood our borders just as much as Mexicans. The Americans who move to Canada are commies and homos looking to tie the knot.

Let the hard-working canadians come here, and let our useless dregs go there. Hint: the only reason they are going north is to get BC weed. You'll end up with a bunch of unpatriotic, shiftless lazy slugs who will become even more shiftless and lazy once they've gotten on welfare and smoked a couple of BC bowls.


Anyway, people's reactions scared me. I'm gonna go cry now.

Current Mood: disappointed
Saturday, May 26th, 2007
1:27 pm
Love Is A Nose So You Better Not Pick It

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality
You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more rebel than traditional, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), slutty (79%), musical (68%), innovative (64%).

Stereotypes
Punk Rock80%
Emo Kid67%
White Trash64%
 
Life Experience
Sex58%
Substances51%
Travel12%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 83% of the time.
  Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with . You make more than 59% of those who have taken this test, and 54% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated R.
By the way, your hottness rank is 55%, hotter than 29% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite



That was lame.

Guess what! I suck!

My darling brother Evan lost his son Thomas Layden Hamley and his funeral was on Monday. It was sad.
He was born 3 months pre-mature.

In other news, I'm up to 9 points at work and can be fired any second. But to distance myself from that I shall walk into the bossman's office in a V Neck and lean over squishing my man boobs together.

And my work (butt) buddy is pregnant. It's bizarre. I've known her for many many years and I figured I'd be the first to get pregnant.
Except her boyfriend is like 100pds. I don't know how he got her pregnant. I figured his sperm was low-fat...and bulimic and would die of a heart attack while running to her eggs. I don't know how he stores all that sperm in him anyway. When I keep semen for more than a few hours, I bloat like an Ethiopian.

Happy Birthday Kyle! For once, you can legally drink in the bars you've been drinking in for how many years.

And sorry to Desi/Tasha/Lisa/Steve about your sister Lacey. I don't know what to say.
Except...I'm available for orgies. They help.

Current Mood: crazy
Sunday, April 8th, 2007
8:06 pm
Your Boobs Make Me Sad
Well, I have neglected this thingamajigger. Because I am awesome. And have more important blogsites to post to.

Because of lack of work, I was sent home early 2 days last week. And I don't have to return til the 16th. I was pretty excited and wanted to take a trip but I have no one to go with. Because everyone is either forever broke because they are jobless. Or they have jobs and they hate me and want me to bore to death.

I almost bought a TV with my last paycheck.
Then I almost put a downpayment on a car.
But I figured since my next check will be very tiny (like a baby penis) I should really postpone any big spending.
Besides, I have nowhere to put a TV.

I was being spontaneous to woo myself.

Happy Easter by the way. The day we celebrate the death of our lord and saviour. Or something. I don't remember what Easter means. I've been lost since I found out the Easter Bunny isn't real.
And to ruin it for other little kids, I should make rabbit stew (wabooze) every year.
But I love bunnies. Even the dead ones.

I've borrowed out $210 lately. And I'm excited to get it back. I actually like having it loaned out at this point, because it keeps me from spending it. And I can add it to my "EJ needs a new automobile" pile.

Or I could roll around naked in it.

I've gone our 6 times in the past three weeks. Thursdays and Saturdays. It is a bit much. But I've actually been having fun. Which I deserve after all the drama-o-rama I've endured from creepy people in my life.

Shit! I forgot to drop my godchild's Easter Basket off. I'm such a freakin' loser.

Oh well.

His mother and her lesbian lover hate me anyway. Because I'm beautiful.

I have a pimple. But it's not ready to be popped.

I'm hungry.
I want to watch TV.
I wish these visitors would leave. And by visitors I mean my uncle and cousin, not the aliens that abduct me each night, pry me with wine, and take advantage of my anus. My chocolate asterisk.
I should shower too. I smell like semen (don't worry, it's my own), feet, and cigarette/booze.

You all have a great night.

[Unknown LJ tag]
What Your Name Means

You entered: Eric James Hamley
There are 15 letters in your name.
Those 15 letters total to 66
There are 6 vowels and 9 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:Scandinavian Male Ever kingly. In Scandinavian legend the Viking sea rover Ericson: (son of Eric the Red) landed on the shores of America 500 years before Christopher Columbus.
Norse Male Ever or eternal ruler. Island ruler. Famous bearer: 10th-century Norwegian explorer Eric the Red.

Your number is: 3

The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

The expression or destiny for #3:
An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.

Your Soul Urge number is: 8

A Soul Urge number of 8 means:
With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.

Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.

The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

Well that was kinda lame.
</lj>

I don't remember how to make an lj cut. And I'm lazy.

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
9:57 pm
Dead Baby, Dead Baby, Sex Butt Poop
How do!

Well, I really have no reason to update. I'm simply doing so because I am so tired that I can't sleep.

And I'm waiting for some porn to download.

Ew. It's butt porn.
I hate butt porn. It's shitty.

Work is going swell. My last was over a thousand dollars (and I was one hour late one day and missed another) before taxes. Almost $900 after. It was pretty damn amazing.

Except I already have 4 points (you get 9 before you get fired). Mostly because he keeps taking half points because I forget to sign back in after lunch.

Last week I went out 3 times. It was fun. But that was really overdoing it. But I don't think Saturdays should count. Because I only have a few beers and go to bed right after the bars.

On Friday, I went out with Laycee. We got a tower (big thing of beer), then went to St. John. And drank at the house. Where she passed out at the table around 5am. So I slept on the floor and a few hours later she joined me. The next morning, I kept farting on her because I am charming like that. Until I let one go and yelled "AAA! I gotta go poop!" It was great.
She went home with a few boobs hickeys as well. I kept molesting her and finally she said, "I will never understand a guy's obsession with boobs."
Then I ripped her boobs off.

The next nite I went with Joann and Julie jumped in. We went to LaDots, then Betty's, then St. John.
Where I tried to convince a bunch of girls that I had my anus pierced. Then another girl tried to say I had a small penis because her hands were bigger than mine. So I was like, "Well maybe YOU have a big penis."
At the party afterwards, there was drama. And everyone kept leaving me alone. I suppose it only felt that way because I was sober. You shouldn't go to parties sober.
Joann caused an awkward moment when she said she would never sleep with me again because I am like her brother. And I said, "Fine. I wouldn't sleep with you either...because you're like a brother!" Okay, I didn't really say that.
Then Joann had to choose between which of the 3 guys she would take home after the party. She ended up choosing a nice guy who kept trying to talk to me until he said he writes for the Minot Daily News Sports section. So I called him a traitor and quit talking. Plus I offended him with my dead baby jokes.

Saturday wasn't a very good night at all. Nothing bad really happened. I just drank too slow and didn't have much fun.
But Friday was gawesome.

I got She-Ra DVD's! Season 1 Vol 1.
My mom called up my dad and said, "I can't believe he spent $40 on She-Ra! He's a grown man!"
So when my dad told me that I said, "Well, do you know of any good dealers in Belcourt where I could spend my money instead?"

And she gave me a big list.
Not really.

I find it awkward at bars when I go pee and the guy next to me won't stop talking to me and turning in my general direction. I'm like, "Exqueeze me George Michael, but I have my hands full right now. After I'm done I can make sure your mouth is full, but right now I'm a pissin'."

I really have to lose weight by the way. My body is ridiculous. Not in a good way either.

My cousin Ronette's grandpa died yesterday morning. So that was sad.
Everyone was in a weird mood out that night too. There was an air of sadness. In the bedroom. And all around. Touch me now. I close my eyes. And dream away. It must have been love. But it's over now. It must have been good but I lost it somehow.

I listen to too much music.

Well, mayhaps I'll return to blogging one day. But for now I return to the land of real people. Good day.

EJ out!

Current Mood: le pooped
Sunday, December 24th, 2006
1:48 pm
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Stability |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Orderliness |||||| 23%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Intellectual |||||||||| 36%
Mystical |||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious |||||||||||||| 56%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Materialism |||||||||| 36%
Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56%
Self absorbed |||||||||||| 43%
Conflict seeking |||||||||| 36%
Need to dominate |||| 16%
Romantic || 10%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 70%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||||||| 36%
Change averse |||||||||||| 43%
Cautiousness |||||||||| 36%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Sexuality |||||| 30%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 63%
Vanity |||||||||||||| 56%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Female cliche |||||| 30%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Happy Christmahanakwanza errrbody!!!

I can't wait to give out my presents.
And receive.
That sounded sexual.
Incest is the best.

Good day.


Current Mood: chipper
Friday, December 22nd, 2006
9:06 pm
I've Been A Long Time Gone Now
Hey all!
I finally got a little time to updatiepoopoo.

I got a cellphone. For my birthday. It's one of those local $10/month ones so I can't call any of my internet friends. Who I'm pretty sure are imaginary anyway. Like most of my local friends.

And and and...
I'm waiting for Joann to get here. So we can go to the bar and cruise chics.
Or something.

I'm confused.

I found out that 1 in 10 adults believe in Sandy Clawz.
And 1 in 4 believe in ghosts.

At least that's what Pop Up Video told me...during one of our many conversations together.

My ex girlfriend is in town. And I'm hoping things go better than they did at Thanksgiving. If she even bothers talking to me. I got her a present. I doubt I'll get anything in return. She's le pothead now.
That's french for a pothead by the way.
So she has no money. Or vagina. She is renting that out to grow weed for neighboring communities.

I got too many gifts this year for other people. And spent possibly a thousand dollars.
But it was probably half of that. But it feels like a thousand!

For some reason I get a whiff of poop now and then. I'm wondering if it's me. Or that piece of crap I snorted earlier.

I took money out of my account using a debit machine the other day. I felt the coolest. I used to walk by those people at the store and think, "Wow. They're rich. They are super amazingly cool and I should try to remember their pin number."
Okay, not that last part.
Now I am that cool person with a pin number.
Guess it.
Go ahead.
It's 1234.
Yeah, I went there.

I can't wait for my family to open their presents. Well, mostly for Evan. Because back in pre-school, someone stole his Pee Wee Herman and we spent all day looking for it. He was hysterical. So 16 years later, I can say I finally got his Pee Wee Herman doll back.

Except it's in its original packaging so I can't undress him and have Strap-On Barbie do him up the ass. Which is the game I used to play all the time.
Not that I had a Barbie.

It was a She-Ra ACTION FIGURE!

I need to smoke.
I should wear underwear tonite. I always go out too lazy to put on manties and then I get to the bar and worry about the massive amounts of sweat that wreak havoc on my buttocks.
So I think I'll put on underwear.
Maybe later. I'm currently waiting on the world to change.

If I have been distant internet wise. Me sorry. I'm just busy. I get up at 6:25am, get home from work at 3:40pm. Do random crap. Then company comes over. And I swear in my head "tomorrow I'll catch up on all my sleep" then tomorrow comes and it happens again. So, I sleep the weekend away. And have no time for such foolishness as blogging.
Which I miss with all my heart.
Blogging is a funny word.
So is Euthanasia. I'm pretty sure it's a country. A really, really boring one.

Good day.

Current Mood: creative
Monday, December 18th, 2006
6:59 pm
My Party Kicked the Boot Scootin' Boogie
Oh my goodness gracious me oh my. I had the best party ever on Saturday.

At 6pm, Desi and Brandi showed up. I stuffed their faces with pizza and penis. Then about an hour later Joann, Mindy, and later, Lace showed up. We played the Trivial Pursuit 80's Edition I got for my birthday. I kicked ass! Except in the Headlines category. Eventually we gave up because those questions were hard. And they asked what Princess Diana's second son was named. And I was like, "IS IT HARRY?! IS IT HARRY?!" Really loud. And everyone laughed at me.

It was Henry.

I called Cathy trying to convince her I was from planned parenthood. But she said, "Planned parenthood? Wouldn't I need to be having sex?" It was great.
We went and picked her up in Dunseith and went to Betty's.

I was a barslut. And all was well.

Then the afterparty. First of all, more people showed up than I imagined. And I guess there were people talking about it all over town. And calling all night.

Other than two guys showing up to say it was a "fag party." All was well.

There were about 20 people here altogether. I decorated the basement myself. With records and 45's hanging everywhere.

I can't wait to get my film developed. We have 2 cameras worth of them. Apparently, I got drunk and made Lace take a picture of my penis.

We were all laughing so hard all night. It was the most fun I've had in YEARS!!!

Except Joann kept toasting me and I kept taking waaay too many shots. By the morning, Lace and Joann had to carry me upstairs and I kept falling all over. And I fell into my bed and they couldn't get me into it comfortably. The whole time, I'm telling everyone how much I love them and how much fun I had.

At least that's the way my dad and Lace tell it.

I guess someone threw up all over the deck and it froze and my dad had to chip it off.
And I threw up in the sink the next day and plugged it. And blamed it on my drunk friends because I'm amazing like that.

People are still talking about my amazing party. I feel so proud.
Except my dad forbids me to ever do that again.

Tomorrow is my actual birthday. I think I'm gonna have Joann and Lace come over to watch a movie. And my brother Mike is coming home. I shall eat cake like Marie Antoinette.

Current Mood: content
Saturday, December 16th, 2006
4:05 pm
EJ's Super Amazing 80's Birthday Bash!!!
Howdy all and to all a good night!

Tonight is the official EJ's Super Amazing 80's Bash 2006 and if you did not receive an invitation, it's because you weren't invited.
And I didn't give any out.

Um, but I called everyone who's invited. But if I forgot you, you can call me at 477-6180 or 278-2265 (tonight only).

If you weren't invited, don't crash. Because last year, the party crashers ruined my whole fucking birthday.

It's gonna be gawesome.
I decorated the basement with records from the 80's and it's a bute.
I'm also giving away presents. Because I am super amazingly fantastic.

Right now, I have to go shit, shower and shave. All at the same time. And I have to sit in a tub of milk, honey, rose petals and a virgins tears while wearing a semen and tofu face mask so I can look super amazing as well.

I'll post pictures eventually.

You all have a great evening.

Current Mood: rushed
Saturday, December 9th, 2006
8:41 pm
You're Too Sexy For My Shat
So, I finally decided to get off my lazy chapped buttocks and update.
So here it is. Yes, here it 'tis. Are you looking for it? Are you gonna have it baby? That good stuff baby.

I broke into B-52's there.

I don't remember what I last wrote about. But I'm sure it was an awe-inspiring entry about anal beads and vaginal soriasis.

I now make close to $800 per check at Uniband. Which is very very amazing. So I've been buying a lot of useless crap and I really shouldn't because I could be out of a job tomorrow and have no money left over.
But I do have Visa Check card which I used to buy music legally. It's awesome.

For some reason, every time I try to update this thing. A million people start calling and interrupting and I can't focus.
Then I just quit and don't save it. I'd have a million posts by now.

So I'm gonna save this. Because I suck. And I doubt I'll update for another few months.

Current Mood: bored
Friday, October 13th, 2006
9:02 pm
Lesbians Double Fisted And Urinated On, Click Here
Anyone else pleasantly surprised that Weird Al has his first Top10 hit ever this week? It's been like 25 years. He's like Aerosmith...except with a soul.

So, I have been going to work everyday. How exciting. I was late once though, for I had to poop. And read the Enquirer. While brushing my teeth to save time...and because it left a bad taste in my mouth.

My favourite thing to do at work is listen to Warren Zevon and James. Some of the greatest songwriting on earth. Every time I nearly fall asleep, I just put on Warren Zevon and all is well with the world.

Speaking of all being well with the world, Paris Hilton and Nichole Richie and friends again. I feel like I want to wrap my arms around the world and give it a big bear hug. Life is once again as it should be.
By the way, their fued was as fake as my orgasm.

I tried to buy the Dark Crystal DVD on e-bay but that didn't turn out well.
I also tried to buy Guys Gone Wild since I already have Girls Gone Wild. However, that proved unsusseful as well. So God told me to go to a certain site and download it free...illegally. Because God believes in the working class man with a stiffy.

My eyes burn like herpes.
I think I have an infuction.

I finally fixed my hair. I hate the way that damn dirty smelly cheesy twat stuffed burrito of a hairdresser cuts my hair. She gives me the Phoebe Cates. A mini bowl cut. Bah! So now I feel sexeh. And I'm putting out tonight. My hand is quivering already.

I have no idea what I'm doing tonite, if anything. I'm so tired from waking up at 6:30 everyday after going to bed at 1. I've resorted to wearing conclear under my eyes because they are honestly black underneath. It's scary. So is the fact that I'm wearing makeup. But I wear it as manly as possible. While wearing a wife beater that says K-Fed Is My Hero.

Work is getting easier. I hope to get my raise next week or the week after. Because I'm already at good quality. She doesn't come tell me everything I've done wrong anymore. She said she will if I get 10+ errors on something. So all I have to do is get my speed up. I think it's 10-11 batches a day everyone else does. And I do 9. So hopefully I get up to popozao-r and make 10 buckaroos an hour which I shall rub over my naked body until I'm green and sticky.

I've been watching Queer As Folk...err...trying to. It's a dumb show. I'm sure it'd be better if it was uncensored but...gah, everyone on that show annoys the feces out of me. I want to punch them all in the face and write my name in semen on their chests. Especially the little kid guy...and his pimp daddy Brian Catalano.

Okay, that's not really his name.
My So Called Life was an amazing show.

I'm gonna go call Lace and see what's up besides my cankles.
...She didn't answer. But her answering machine has Peter Griffin's version of "Rock Lobster" so I just giggled creepily and hung up.
I think I'll call her other phone now just to piss her off. Because I know she's looking at the caller ID and throwing the phone in protest.
...It's busy.
She's calling people to complain that I'm calling her. And to tell them how much she hates me and wants me to die a horribly painful death involving giant metal spoons forced into body cavities.

I took Lace to see Jackass Number 2 last weekend. It was romantic. I came out with the biggest sweat stains and I kept sinking into the chair all the time. I give it 9 1/2 out of 10 inches. I salute you Jackass. If anyone didn't know, I and everyone I knew was obsessed with Jackass when it first was on. I know every episode by heart. So we were first in line to see it 3 years ago. And now it's back from outerspace it just walked in to find me here with that sad look upon my face I should have changed my stupid lock I should have made you return your key if I had known for just one second that you'd be back to bother so now go walk out the door just turn around cause you ain't welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye did you think I'd crumble did you think I'd lay down and die oh no not I I will survive.
It's scary I know all those lyrics.
Anyway, good show. I shall someday do a butt chug.

Crimpin' all over the world...

I'm going back to downloading 10,000 songs I don't need. This has been Paul Harvey. Good day.

Current Mood: sweepy
Friday, October 6th, 2006
5:39 am
Light As A Pussy-Cat, Stiff As A Cock-A-Doodle-Doo
Just a quick update because I have only slept a few hours in the past couple nights. And I should be in bed still but I had to wake up to watch Grey's Anatomy because I have a Stephens-Burke complex.

I went to the hospital on Monday to get my eyes checked.

They told me I have a deteriorating cornea and I'll be blind within a year.
...Only they didn't because they knew it would scare me. But I know there's something wrong with me. And I shall find it! No I'm not paranoid!

Anyway, I got the intern with the cute accent. I like people learning to be doctor's but I HATED this experience. Because I had to do all the eye tests twice. One for the doctor and one for the intern (who took 3 times as long). I was crying my eyes out. Eventually everything in the room just turned red and I had to squint to see the doctor.
But I'm getting glasses! And the tribe's paying for them because I'm so poor.

The next day I turned in my application to Uniband. I was hired a half hour later. I type over 10,300 keystrokes an hour (alpha and numeric) at 99% accurancy.
Anyway, I started the next day. Work is 7am-3:30 (yuck! I hate waking up at 6:30 and I'll have to wake up even earlier when winter comes) 40 hr work weeks. I start at $6 because I'm on probation. Which is a sexy term which means I have no expectations on my speed or accuracy yet. After that, the pay is $10.46/hr plus the faster you get, the more money you make. Like Dynaband, except with actual workdays.

Except I'm pretty sure I'll be fired next week. I've got a feelin' my heart is reelin' it's about to bust loose.
I've been making so many mistakes. Worse and worse. I did worse my second day. The least amount of errors for one report I had was 14. The worst was 42. I went to see the manager today. He didn't seem happy to see me.
Blah. I don't want to screw up this job. I try as hard as I possibly can but for some reason I can't catch onto this. And it's typing. The most natural thing I do besides masturbating. Bullshit!
It should be easier than taking a bullshit!

In other news, I have none.

Except my dad was taking pieces of candy out of the candy jar and announced "I want a red one, and a purple one, and a yellow one, and an orange one." He then put them in a row on the endtable and I called him a nerd. Then he said, "I better take a green one or they'll get sad."

And milk milk lemonade around the corner fudge is made.

At work, they placed me on the area that is two steps higher than everyone else. It's weird. Everyone makes fun of me. But I say, "From way up here you all look like ants." And people laugh. Blah blah blah. I'm dumb.

I didn't realize how many people I know work there. They all come up to me, "When did you start working here?" And I of course tell them, "A year now, you didn't even notice me." But they call me a bullshitter. I'm like, yeah I've been here a year but I blend into the place never really wow anyone at the office.

Yesterday I almost just ran out of there. Because I'm so vain I probably think this entry is about me. I had to get an ID with my picture and everything. But I look at the picture and I was like, "Oh my god, I didn't realize how ugly I am." And that pretty much ruined the rest of day as I spent about 20 minutes the rest of the night in total looking in the mirror seeing if there was anything I could change about myself to fool people into seeing me differently. I didn't think I looked that bad...and in just a vain moment I was snapped back to reality. Blah.

That was dumb. I'm dumb. I smell. Actually, the litter smells. I should clean it one of these days. Also I should feed the cats downstairs.

I'm going to see Jackass Number 2 this weekend. In Rolette. I don't want to go alone. So I'm pretty sure I'll be begging people to go with me. Like I always do. Cause I'm a loser and I end up going to movies alone.

Well, I'm slowly moving back to opendiary. This is just a quickie (that's what she said). I hope to update on everyone eventually. But I'm lazy.
I have to go to bed. I have to be up in 5 hours.

Current Mood: generic
Friday, September 22nd, 2006
8:19 pm
Anus Is the Word of the Gay
I went to Winnipeg on Tuesday and saw Mariah Carey live!!!

It was sold out with 10,000 people in attendance. Busta Rhymes opened. I just found out she has a 94.6% sell-out rate.

The Set List:
01. It's Like That
02. Heartbreaker
03. Dreamlover
04. My All
05. Shake It Off
06. Vision of Love
07. Fly Like a Bird
08. I'll Be There
---"B" Stage:
09. Fantasy
10. Don't Forget About Us
11. Always Be My Baby
---End "B" Stage
12. Honey
13. I Wish You Knew (Snippet)
14. Love Takes Time (Snippet)
15. Can't Let Go (Snippet)
16. Thank God I Found You/Make It Last (Snippet)
17. One Sweet Day (Snippet)
18. Hero
---Encore:
19. We Belong Together
20. Butterfly Reprise


Her voice sounded a little tired but she still sounded so amazing. Barely even opening her mouth to belt songs. She made a joke about how the lights went out whenever she took a drink saying "Now it'll be in all the papers, how diva-ish it is that they have to turn the lights off when I take a drink." Then she told them they didn't need to do that and to turn them back on.
She also put on some lip gloss and threw it in the audience. I crushed a little Canasian in front of me. I think I broke his little boner. But I didn't get the lip gloss. I killed a little Canasian for nothing.
When we came out, I couldn't hear because of all the screaming everyone was doing. And I couldn't talk well because my voice was hoarse from screaming so much like a little girl.
I didn't expect Mariah to be so beautiful. I figured it was all air brushing and stuff, but she really looks like that all the time.
She even walked thru the audience. Only thing she didn't do was touch hands with the audience. Which she used to do a lot in the 90's.

I saw her panties. When she danced in the middle stage just 2 feet in front of me, I could see up her skirt. She wore silver panties. It was awesome.



How about a quick review?

"SUPERSTAR Mariah Carey showed off two of her biggest assets at the MTS Centre last night: her powerful vocals and her dancing skills.

The 36-year-old diva's first local appearance was a full-on spectacle of glitter and glamour as Carey dazzled a crowd of 10,000 fans -- covering a surprisingly wide demographic, male and female, young and old --on her comeback Adventures of Mimi Tour.

After suffering a very public breakdown following the flop of her debut movie Glitter, the most successful female artist of the 1990s roared back to the top of the pop world with last year's Emancipation of Mimi, the top-selling album of 2006 with over six-million units sold so far.

The crazy Carey days of 2001 -- when she famously pranced around MTV handing out popsicles dressed only in a T-shirt and posted bizarre messages on her website -- are over and these days the surgically enhanced diva with the fake tan is back prancing around stages all over the world dressed in other skimpy outfits.

She addressed the ebbs and flows of her 16-year career during an opening video featuring a roller coaster with a voice-over about life's ups and downs before Carey took the stage to the club-thumping sounds of the first track from the new album, It's Like That, dressed only in a sparkling black bra and panty combo, high heels and a cape. She was surrounded by four dancers with flashlights who whirled around her on the top of a two-tiered stage flanked by two winding staircases which led down to the main-tier where her four-piece band played.

Carey seemed comfortable in the lingerie -- she obviously wasn't hanging outside yesterday -- and remained nearly naked for the hit Heartbreaker off 1999's Rainbow. The disco-esque number was the first of many times Carey would show off her multi-octave range and vocal hysterics; she has an amazing voice, but sometimes the high-pitched squeal she belts out is simply annoying. Think of the sound a cat makes when its tail is stepped on and you have a good idea of the shrieks Carey is fond of making. She kept up the vocal gymnastics on Dreamlover, but through binoculars in the press box Carey's own backing vocals being played through the P.A. made it appear she was lip-synching at times.

She turned the microphone on to slow things down for the sultry R&B of 1997's My All before a giant Kiss-inspired lighted Mimi sign dropped from the rafters for the funky slow-burner Shake it Off with Carey prowling across the stage while her dance crew twisted around her.

Then she was gone to change and D.J. Clue kept the crowd interested with some old dance floor standards before the star returned dressed in a skin-tight diamond-studded full-length canary yellow gown with a sliver of fabric connecting the bodice to the bottom, still revealing the sides of her trim stomach and back, to deliver her 1990 breakthrough single Vision of Love, another ballad which showcased her outstanding range.

Because the show started almost half-an-hour late press time came in the middle of the Jackson 5 tear-jerker I'll Be There with Trey Lorenz. She had been following the setlist of her most recent shows, so fans could still expect three songs on a B-stage in the middle of the arena floor, a medley of old hits and at least two more costume changes.

Rapper Busta Rhymes started the night with a 45-minute set of commercially friendly hip-hop which included plenty of crowd interaction and a censored version of his hit I Love My B--h.

Rhymes, joined by fellow rapper Spliff Star and a DJ both wearing identical black and white shirts decorated with the name of his latest album, spoke almost as much as he rapped, spewing out gibberish about the hot girls in the crowd and other sexual innuendoes which got the audience screaming and shouting along.

Attendance: 10,000

3 1/2 out of 5 stars"


So, anyway, we checked into the hotel and me and Lace had a balcony which my parents did not. So I made fun of the opening scene of the Grudge and scared Laycee. Because The Grudge 2 previews make her pee her panties. I told my parents we were gonna find someone at the concert to give our second key to for a threesome. Mommy told me to shut up.
After the concert, my dad called the room and I pretended we had company and had to go. I said, "You don't think I can make friends?" And daddy said, "Sure you can, but I know you didn't." Meanie.

Mariah In All Her GloryCollapse )

Then we got a cab to get booze. The taxi went by a gay club and said, "You go there, you get beat up." In his sexy Indian accent. Then we made love.

I went out last nite with Tasha and Steve. That was fun. I got really drunk and passed out watching Punisher. And Steve made us breakfast. Apparently, I should be a comedian because everyone kept laughing at me. Not with me. But at me. I swear.
I may go out again tonite. Because I'm an unemployed alcoholic.

Wanna see a stupid conversation between me and Lace? Of course you do. It's great. But she hates when I post anything about her on my diary.

EJ (9/22/2006 7:37:12 PM): pardon me
EJ (9/22/2006 7:37:21 PM): but do you have any grey poop-on?
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:38:08 PM): *rolls up window*
EJ (9/22/2006 7:38:23 PM): nerdo
EJ (9/22/2006 7:38:29 PM): i finally get your username
EJ (9/22/2006 7:38:33 PM): it only took a few days
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:39:00 PM): geez
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:39:32 PM): you're the nerdo
EJ (9/22/2006 7:39:40 PM): watcha doin?
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:40:06 PM): watchin deal or no deal
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:40:13 PM): playin deal or no deal
EJ (9/22/2006 7:40:23 PM): that makes you the winner of the nerdo competition
EJ (9/22/2006 7:40:26 PM): seriously
EJ (9/22/2006 7:40:28 PM): seriously
EJ (9/22/2006 7:40:30 PM): boobs
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:41:18 PM): whatever
EJ (9/22/2006 7:41:35 PM): ever since you became my myspace buddy, i keep getting new friends with creepy pictures
EJ (9/22/2006 7:41:38 PM): and i blame you
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:41:52 PM): hahaha
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:42:13 PM): good im glad
EJ (9/22/2006 7:42:47 PM): i have to tell you something
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:43:43 PM): mmkay
EJ (9/22/2006 7:43:48 PM): i've had to poop for the past 2 hours but am too lazy to move
EJ (9/22/2006 7:44:12 PM): buy me an anus douche for christmas
EJ (9/22/2006 7:44:19 PM): and a new anus
EJ (9/22/2006 7:44:23 PM): with anal bleaching
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:44:48 PM): *cringe*
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:44:55 PM): yucky
EJ (9/22/2006 7:45:03 PM): gross! stop saying yucky
EJ (9/22/2006 7:45:25 PM): i picture you lifting a penis with two fingers and covering your mouth when you say that
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:45:30 PM): moohoohaha
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:45:39 PM): i say it just cuz it annoys you
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:45:48 PM): ew
EJ (9/22/2006 7:46:04 PM): moohahaha
EJ (9/22/2006 7:46:50 PM): i'm soliciting my brother's ex for sex
EJ (9/22/2006 7:46:53 PM): and that rhymes
EJ (9/22/2006 7:46:56 PM): and makes me speshil
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:47:06 PM): so...
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:47:12 PM): lol
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:47:37 PM): yes, especially when you spell it that way
EJ (9/22/2006 7:47:53 PM): lmbbsffsao
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:49:04 PM): um ok
EJ (9/22/2006 7:49:24 PM): that was "laughing my big black sweaty fat fugly saggy anus off"
EJ (9/22/2006 7:49:40 PM): i think anus is the word of the day
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:49:48 PM): gross
EJ (9/22/2006 7:49:55 PM): yucky
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:50:33 PM): i think so
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:50:33 PM): so what r u gonna do?
EJ (9/22/2006 7:50:46 PM): sah what am i gonna dew?
EJ (9/22/2006 7:50:51 PM): i don't know
EJ (9/22/2006 7:50:53 PM): what about ye?
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:52:48 PM): i dont know
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:52:48 PM): what about u?
EJ (9/22/2006 7:52:55 PM): haha
EJ (9/22/2006 7:53:02 PM): i'm gonna take a mean shiest
EJ (9/22/2006 7:53:19 PM): and give it you ala Pink Flamingos
EJ (9/22/2006 7:53:22 PM): and you have to eat it
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:54:15 PM): thats gross
EJ (9/22/2006 7:55:59 PM): are the kids there?
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:56:44 PM): no
EJ (9/22/2006 7:56:52 PM): well they have to stop breaking their dates
EJ (9/22/2006 7:56:59 PM): are they gonna be over tomorrow?
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:57:45 PM): maybe later in the afternoon
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:58:07 PM): they were supposed to clean their rooms but they lied to their dad and didnt
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:58:15 PM): so they couldnt come over
EJ (9/22/2006 7:58:28 PM): well those dirty bastards
EJ (9/22/2006 7:58:32 PM): i mean, darn
Laycee (9/22/2006 7:59:16 PM): yeah
EJ (9/22/2006 7:59:53 PM): linzi just emailed me
EJ (9/22/2006 7:59:55 PM): you are jealous
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:00:12 PM): yeah
EJ (9/22/2006 8:00:28 PM): what else were you gonna say, butter snatch?
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:01:03 PM): i forgot
EJ (9/22/2006 8:01:09 PM): yoooou forgot
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:01:19 PM): uh huh
EJ (9/22/2006 8:01:38 PM): so are you goin out tonite or tomorrow? or never
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:01:59 PM): i dont know
EJ (9/22/2006 8:02:07 PM): and am i invited or do you hate me and want to stab me repeatedly in the anus while putting my penis thru a cheese grater
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:02:48 PM): i thought ronette was gonna be here but she had to turn around and go home when she hit minot
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:02:51 PM): she got sick
EJ (9/22/2006 8:03:01 PM): she's pregnant
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:03:03 PM): if i go your invited
EJ (9/22/2006 8:03:13 PM): yaynus
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:03:22 PM): no she got fatigued and wanted to pass out
EJ (9/22/2006 8:03:29 PM): eek
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:04:10 PM): yeah
EJ (9/22/2006 8:04:23 PM): i got kicked out of photobucket for posting naked pictures of me bum
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:04:36 PM): haha
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:05:41 PM): well im gonna see whats gonna go down tonight
EJ (9/22/2006 8:05:50 PM): k
EJ (9/22/2006 8:05:58 PM): i'll miss you
Laycee (9/22/2006 8:06:09 PM): uh huh


And I'm done. Shut up.

Current Mood: drunk
Monday, September 18th, 2006
7:05 pm
Boring Smelly Icky Gross Entry
I went out on Friday night. It was a lot of fun. There was no LaDots to be had, we went straight to Betty's Bar. Which eventually turned into a high school reunion for some reason. I found a couple people who I had to avoid all night, but other than that it was a lot of fun. Perhaps because Danni came over and said, "I had to come sit by you, you're so good looking, I could stare at you all night. I wish I was younger and more appealing, I would follow you everywhere." Awww. She's cute. I gave her hugs and ended up following her around the rest of the night.

We went to a party afterwards, until we got rained out. Everyone at the party saw my penis because I had to earn my Mardi Gras beads. Apparently, it was important to me at the time.

Shylene came up to me and told me how Dennis made the announcement at work that Karen's Cafe is closing. I still went in on Sunday figuring it'd be our last day but we couldn't even have that because no one else showed up. It was sad. So I got my paycheck (marvelled at my first week of an 85 cent raise) and went to Rolla to take out my layway. So I finally have my MP3 playing CD player. I made love to it several times since.

I got into a fight with mommy because she refused to give me my money that I got from selling my car. Thankfully, I shut up and just ignored her instead of blowing up and saying what's on my mind. She can keep the money for all I care. I don't want it anymore.
So that pretty much ruined the rest of my day. I'll have to start applying places soon. Poop.

But tomorrow I'll be in Winnipeg. Yay!

This entry smells. I hate it. It should die. So should my new user icon.

Seacrest out.

PS. Laycee finally got the piece of glass out of my foot. This is the first time I haven't had to walk on the side of my foot in months.

Current Mood: annoyed
Friday, September 15th, 2006
7:27 pm
Backwards Pelvis Man
Long time no update.

At work, pretty much every day I had to be to work by 7am, which meant I had to be up at 6:30. It was poop. On Tuesday, which was supposed to be my day off, I got called in. Then I made sure to get off certain days of the week so I could visit my company all the way from Grand Rapids, Michigan. But they decided to change those days as well. Because they are all cold-hearted twatsicles.

On the 13th, I got a phone call from none other than onionbutt Tara Bo Bara. I wouldn't have answered it but I saw the caller ID which said UNKNOWN and knew it was none other than Tara Bo Bara. Because I am great. Her voice sounded all smart and groovy and I felt comfortable on the phone, which is odd because I hate the phone and avoid it at all costs.

I was nervous all day. Because unlike everyone else, Tara's opinion matters to me. And I didn't want to seem stupid or anything. So I cleaned the house, my bedroom, the party room (I even swept the ceiling!) and Evan's old bedroom. Which was sickening because I had to do what my parent's have been telling him to do for the past two months. Bastardo. I also bought a bunch of groceries which I figured would feed them somewhat animal-friendlyly.

Just as Futurama finished that night, Tara and Josh showed up. I got a big hug and we sat up in the basement for a while talking. But I had to go to bed fairly early because I had work at 7 again (I was acting manager again, phooey).

After work, I bought my first bag of weed since I was a little girl and gave it to them. Then, I took them to Anishinabe, where my dad showed them all the plans for the cultural center and Medicine Wheel garden. But he accidentally clicked on a picture of a slayed deer while he was showing us pictures on the computer. He was so embarrassed. He mentioned it the next day after they left too. My poor daddy.

Then we walked all over, I showed them the Round House, Medicine Wheel garden, the lake. We took the scenic backway where we tried our best to compete the obstacle course. I almost killed myself climbing a rope. I am really out of shape.

I really wanted Tara to see the buffalo and the new llama farm I found. But when we drove around both of them, they were nowhere to be found. So I felt bad. Then we picked up some alcoholage and went back to the house. I met the infamous ferrets finally. Then we played Sweet Valley High, Scattegories, and my new favourite game Settlers. Which I must have. Tara finished a whole wine cooler, Josh and I drank 5 beers each. So the party I had planned didn't really get off the ground. I told everyone for weeks there would be a party at my house when they came over. Everyone said they'd be there. I called to remind everyone, and no one called back. So I figured, if you're not going to call then don't bother showing up. And I didn't answer the phone the rest of the night. Everyone started calling after the bars closed, my mom heard there was a big party at my house at the bar, and I guess people showed up outside. But we all were in bed already. I was really tired and they had to be up early so they HAD to go to bed. But how rude! I think if you're invited to a gathering, you shouldn't show up drunk after the bar when you need somewhere to party. Boo!

So no one got to meet my friends. Which is okay because Tara and Josh are cooler than them anyway. Moohahaha! I was sad to see them leave. It seems like it all went too fast. It didn't even sink in yet that I met Tara, one of my best friends ever, for the first time. At some moments I'd think, "What if I'm like lying in a coma somewhere and this is all a figment of my imagination." It was surreal. The only downsides were that I had to work, I was too quiet from lack of sleep, and the awkward moment when Josh told me it's okay to look at Tara but not to touch. Because I didn't have such awful scandalous thoughts.

We got up early today, and I made them watch Smoke Signals. Which forced me to see that movie from a different perspective. Actually, some moments I was embarrassed. I never thought of that movie other than a classic Native film. Now I see it's more of a film for Natives. I just wanted them to see it because it's a good representation of Native life. The use of certain phrases, the feelings, the alcoholism, the poor houses and cars, the unemployment, the frybread, and the way that people talked. I kept getting teary eyed on that movie and that was embarrassing and I hope no one noticed. It happened like 6 or 7 times. I'm such a vagina.
When I told my parents I made them watch that. My mom said, "Oh, I'm sure!" Because I guess it was a little inappropriate. But my dad thought it was funny. I love that movie. I just wanted to share the love.

I got them some soap made of buffalo. Which I felt weird about. I would have never thought of giving Tara anything made of animal. My dad suggested it. But he reminded them that it's disrespectful to refuse a gift from a Native person (it's also disrespectful to refuse food but I think my dad's plans for a big roast beef dinner were a tad inappropriate). But I suppose it was a good representation of using every part of an animal. When they left, I wanted to keep giving them stuff. Like locks of hair and bottles of semen. But I settled for a couple bags of Native plants used for various things. I'm hoping one of them will cure Tara of losing her organs. So I have to remember to find my papers and find out what the following are used for again:
- Giant Hysop Flowers
- Bergamot Tea
- Sweet Pine
- Golden Rod
- Purple Cone Flower
- Spearmint
And there's Sage, and the last one that starts with a D and is a tea. Tara, could you tell me what it was again?

All in all, I hope I was a good host. It was a few days I will never forget. And hopefully, I can go see them when they're all settled in Oregon. I have so much respect for you, Tara Bo Bara, and it was an honour to meet you. It seems like I've known you for years, which I have. Har har har. I learned a lot about myself, people, and of course you. And I hope you've learned a little from your experience here. And it didn't suck big donkey anus. The reservation is a weird place and only a few people appreciate it, so I hope nothing scared you.

I think I'm going to try to go out tonite. I dunno. I do have two 18-ers of Bud. I really shouldn't though because my throat is so sore from how much I smoked the whole week. But it's the last night I'll be able to go out for a couple weeks. Next week, I only get the days off that I go see Mariah. I sold my car, so I can actually afford the trip now.

I had another dream about aliens when I slept for five hours after Tara and Josh left. It really scared me. I wish I could stop all that nonesense.

PS. I really really wish I had a camera. I feel bad that I didn't get to cement my Tara experience with pictures.

Current Mood: miigwetchful
Friday, August 25th, 2006
5:04 pm
I am ever so bummed as I may not go see Mariah Carey, though I have been saving and planning for it for the past 2 months. I just can't afford that. To spend $300 for a concert, when I make $500/month...it's just insane. I have so many bills piling up right now. Last week, I had to sneak behind the bank's back to cash my check from work because there is no money in the account.

This week, no one's check's showed up. And the cafe's owner scheduled a meeting at 3pm saying he'd be there by 1pm, but he didn't show. So I figure my job probably won't last long anyway.

I have to figure out how to get this camera back into its huge oversized box the way it was sent to me. $100 for a crap camera. The batteries went out within a few hours, the directions don't tell you how to download pictures to your computer, or how to use flash. So anytime I take pictures inside, all you see is pitch black. That's a waste of money. Now I have to pay the $10 shipping to send it back. Bah.

I may lose my MP3 playing fancy CD Player I had on layway too. Which makes me sad because that's the only thing I bought that really made me excited.

My foot is swollen and I've been limping the past week because there's a piece of glass in my foot and no one can get it out. So I've decided I'm going to limp in pain until it makes its way into my blood stream and kills me.

And the other night I woke up with a cut in my eye. It hurt a lot. I started crying on the drive to work because the sun burnt them so bad. And the new rumour started at work because of it? Eric is addicted to drugs. Yay.

Le sigh. I'm quite sure things will get better. But for now I am going to wine dine 69 me and you don't hear a damn word I've said.

That was Alanis. I didn't swear at you I swear.

I would suck anus for money at this point. I would let someone take a crap on me while choking me for a few extra dollars.

========================================================================================

My dad just walked in to announce that mommy has Bingoed at LaDots a thousand dollars. Wow.

And you were whining about money problems! I told you everything would get better.

They're gonna pay my IRS bill, my layaway bill, and I don't owe the $30 I borrowed. How exciting. I think my whining at that exact moment made mommy bingo. Jesus loves me, yes he do.

========================================================================================

I had the worst party on Tuesday. Or was it Wednesday? Whatever. Lace and Julie came over with Shawn and...ugh...Tyler. What an asshole. Because I was outdrinking him he kept yelling out how drunk I was and everyone else just gave me weird looks saying, "He's the only sober one here!" This happened several times during the night. And every time I cleaned up a spill he made or a cigarette burn, he'd say something smart ass about that too.

I don't understand people who come to a person's house, who bought ALL the beer for them, and have no respect for you or the house.

At 3am, I had to drive Julie home. At 4am, I had to drive Laycee home. At 5am, I had to drive Tasha home. They all live on the same road a crossing or two apart. I went from a quarter of tank of gas to E.

Anyway, at 4:30am, I got back to the house to drink with Tasha, Shawn and...ugh...Tyler. Tasha doesn't like the way I shuffle, so she shuffled for me. This upset Tyler who said, "You can't fucking do that! I want to see that bastard shuffle them for himself!" Finally, I just got up said, "You know what, fuck this shit." And I went to bed. They partied for the next half hour. No one, not even one of my best friends came back to say sorry or anything. So at 5am, when the guys left, I said, "Tasha, you need a ride?" And I didn't say much to her at all. She took this personally.

Argh, it was all dumb. I hate how Shawn brings these fucked up drunken drugged out losers to my house all the time. The night always ends badly.

So I called work on Thursday after being the acting manager for 2 days and she told me I could have the day off. I was like, "Thank goodness!!!" Well, not that flamboyant. It was probably more like "Thank fuckin' goodness!" Minus the fucking. Shut up.
Even though I had already slept for 14hrs at 9am, I just needed a day off to worship my body parts. Last night, I got a good 8hrs in I think. And I'm about to take a nap right now.

For I am lazy.

And I have to poop, as I always have to after I write an entry. But my dad's in there and his butt's too big for me to squeeze beside him on the toilet.

Current Mood: vapid
Saturday, August 19th, 2006
5:39 pm
Lick My Clitoris Upside Down & Chew My Labia
Yeah, that's right. Chew my labia. The left one. It hangs close to the anus.

I think "minora" is more obscene than the word "labia" for some reason. And it's definately more obscene than the word "majora." I know you've been thinking of that as well.

So, since I last writ, I drank the following Tuesday at Tasha's figuring I'd be in bed by 2am. I quickly gave up that idea when we all ended up partying in my backyard til the sun came up.

Then, on Wednesday, me and my brother gave up all thoughts of waiting for Marcus (our brother) to leave back to Grand Forks in time for our party. So we threw it anyway. It was much fun. Kyle got his keys stolen by Julie and spent majority of the night looking for them. Everyone was completely wasted. But me. I played taxi and dropped people off and didn't drink very much because I felt kinda like a babysitter. A fight nearly erupted with semen.
And James tried to steal all our beer. So I had to yell at him, to which he threatened to get all the guys from the car. So I was like, "Go ahead!" Then he left. Blah.
It was fun though. I wish we could have more like that.

Marcus was a bitch the whole time he was here and I was so freakin' happy when he left. Every day felt more and more like a slow death when he was here. I cooked dinner every night, and cleaned the house, and cared for the horses. And he found every opportunity to bitch about something in the few minutes he crawled out of bed. Dickhead Skank Tittie Polly Wolly Ding Dong Shitbar. Finally, I just got sick of it and quit trying to be nice. I don't understand him at all. A spoiled whiney little bitch is all I can say to describe him.

Work...work...work the rest of the time. Boring things.
Then drinking was had last Tuesday again. I made sure to take off Wednesday so I could celebrate Laycee's 22nd birthday. I even sent a radio birthday thingie from "Eric and all your rowdy friends." But she went out of town, so I resumed the plans, but with my parents, their friend and Tasha. So we all piled into the car and went to Betty's for dollar beers. Where I made many new friends. Yay! And I kept buying people shots with Monopoly money and cheersing to Lace.
Then we drank in my basement with other people. Pretty fun. I don't think I like Beer Pong at all. Perhaps because it's a skill-less game. Like lovemaking.

More work happened.
Oh, I forgot. Tasha and Desi (and sometimes Brandy...she's the Y of the Grants) have come over nearly every night of the week. So that's fun. Desi made us watch If These Walls Could Talk 2 again. So I made sure to put plastic on the furniture first, so as to avoid vaginal stains. She gets too excited at the sex scenes. I took Tash out to eat as well.
She made 14 CD's on my computer too. Which I found odd because she likes a lot of Hip Hop/Rap/R&B and that happens to be my most lacking folder of songs. I think I have 400 or something. But perhaps she picked some Pop or Rock as well. For she hates Country. Why am I writing this?

And now me and Tash are fighting over who gets to keep Miss Tara Bo Bera, her lovely man and their 10 thousand children. She said she wants them to stay in her basement. I think it's sexual.

There's apparently a rumour going around that I, Lace, Tasha, Desi, Brandy, Kyle, Shanna, Bonette and...I forget are celebrating in my basement for Lace's belated birthday party. How odd, eh? I don't know what to say. Maybe we'll keep it outdoors until late night. No one knows the exact plan as of yet. I did call Lace though...to call her a black woman.

The Mariah Carey concert is coming up quick and I still haven't got the tickets. We keep having to put more money into mommy's credit card. Now the $70 tickets are sold out, so I saved up enough for the $90 ones. Now, as I see the layout, I don't want to be sidestage. So I'm going to spring for the $110 tickets and we'd be on the floor. No chairs but oh well. I can throw my panties though. And get trampled by crazy MC-lambs. I don't know which I'm more sexcited over.
Unfortunately, someone on MariahDaily ruined the setlist for me. It was pretty much a predictable one, but you know, at least I could have remained somewhat surprised. Argh! I have to book a hotel room as well. Damn expensive Mariah Carey and her silver boobs.

So I've decided to become a veterinarian. I figure, I graduated in 2003, I should continue onto a University finally. Boo! My dad is convinced that there are Native American programs that can help me. And I think he's full of butt beads. The Native American programs are for preparations in jobs the reservation needs. I'm sure a vet is not at the top of that list. Blah. Plus, I suck at all things Science. I'd rather draw a heart than cut into one. But I must get out of the minimum wage business. And become a struggling something for a while. Instead of a struggling penis face.

My nipples are sweaty.

I wanted to buy some groovy Native necklaces/bracelets/drums from a guy who sells them for a living. But I didn't have any money. Boo. Plus, he hangs out with the creepy guy who practices bad medicine and stalked my mommy. Which is bad. But they were really nice works.

I cooked for a guy I had a crush on in middle school at the cafe today. So, if I see him at the bar, I am going to drunkenly go up to him and say, "How'd you like your food???" Right after I throw up. "I made it just for....yooooooou." Then I'm going to put my finger to his lips and whisper "SHHHHHHHH." Then I'm going to collapse onto the floor in a pool of my own urine.
That's the plan.

I really should shower more than once or twice a week. Especially considering how much ball sweat I accumulate at work.

I got my Cobra Digital Camera DC5500 the other day.
- 5.0 Megapixels
- 4x Zoom
- Video
- TV Output
- 1.5" LCD Screen
- Web Camera
From what I've seen it's not as great as I imagined. Kinda like when you sleep with someone. Or masturbate with a cooking utensil.
I really should figure out how to work it before I judge though.

Current Mood: yay!
Monday, August 7th, 2006
4:47 pm
So I have much to be sexcited for next month.

I get to meet Tara Bo Bera, her legendary pets, and her penis in the second week of September (me thinks).
Then on the 19th I'm going to see Mariah live in Winnipeg with my daddy and Laycee.
Threesome time.

Ew.

I got the weekend off. And started calling everyone up to take me out on Friday. But nobody loves me. And everyone went out the night before. So I waited for Saturday. Me, Lace, and Kyle went to the casino. And drank. Which is always awkward for me because the casino keeps track of what you drink so they can cut you off after so many.

I met my little co-worker. Who won $2,000 and bought me a shot of Tequila and a beer.
Then, me, Lace and Kyle bought another 18-er of Bud (we already had one), a few shooters, and a pint of Jim Beam. I have no clue what's left, if anything.
T'was fun.

My parents are gone this week, so I'm planning a big party in my pants. You're all invited.

I've decided I'm not going to show my boner off on webcam anymore until I get a higher speed of internet. The phone company finally decided to put a high speed line on the reservation, but they just have to make it available because they already put it in. They're being slow.

Blah blah blah.

Work was odd today. Renee worked the till, so I was prep and grill cook because 2 of the cooks didn't show up. It was kinda boring. We only made $300 all day. For shame! I think it's because I wasn't at the till welcoming people in to spend their money. I was sweating in the back making it.

I have to begin paying the IRS for taxes last year. Because my old job messed up and said all us research students were self employed. So now I owe then like $700. Bah humbug. My checks are practically spent by the time I get them.

I dyed my hair. I'd show you a picture but my webcams are ugly. One is too dark and one sees in the dark so my hair looks grey in it, and if I wear a black shirt, it turns white. It's weird.
I'm blonde again. Oh well.

I yell "buttcrack" at people who bend over at work. I really embarrassed Tera. Half her butt fell out of her pants when I yelled it. So the rest of the day she was holding up her jeans. I really should be slapped with a sexual assault charge. But I could get one for her as well, because she corrupted my fragile little eyes with her dark brown buttocks.

I e-mailed Joann, she still isn't talking to me. =(

Some crappy songs on the radio right now:
*Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back
*Jessica Simpson - A Something Affair
*Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
*Madonna - Get Together

Some good songs on the radio now:
*The Killers - When You Were Young
*Chris Brown - Gimme That

I have to poop.

Current Mood: okay
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
9:54 pm
My Poop Is Green
After work I came home, called Lace, smoked a cigarette and up walked my darling Whitie (AKA Psycho). She was limping really bad. I think she dislocated a hip when she was giving birth to her last litter. Possibly because she was being chased during. Or some junk.

So I made her a new place to sleep so she can move her cats closer to the house so I can keep an eye on her. Then I tried to find the place she had her kittens. It's in the trees across from my window towards the right. So I went for a walk. I haven't been in those trees in years. Everything looks so much smaller than it used to. It's not like a groomed fantasy land kind of trees, it's a jungle-like mini forest. So it was tough for me to get through it. Finally, I did...without finding the kittens. So I decided to walk all the way around and through the rest of the trees, ending up by the horses, who were riled up by all the commotion. Then I fed the horsies and walked down by the field where I again decided to check out all the places I used to play.

The bog of the late 90's that was once a clearing in the mid 80's is now a full fledge slew. Complete with cattails, absorbing almost all the trees surrounding it, and giving swimming lessons to dozens of little duckies. So I decided to go check out the stream I used to go to to sing and climb the fallen trees to look at the slew. Last time I was there, I never could see the slew because it was surrounded by tall trees. Now the trees have fallen and I could see everything.

Then I went through the rest of the trees there. There are 3 groups of trees (each with a marsh in the middle) to the South, North, and East of my house. Now all but one area is tainted with the existence of neighbors now. It used to be we were the only house for quite a distance. Now you can't go to the edge of the woods anymore without seeing stupid houses with stupid people who own stupid cars.

It was fun looking at all the places I've neglected the past few years. I think the last time I went for a walk like that I was 17. Or 18. Cause I remember wearing my red headband and I wore that for a few years when I was 17-19. Yay!

( @ Y @ )

Then I came inside to eat some deer sausage my dad made. And decided to make hard boiled eggs to go with it because I am a talented cook like that.

After I ate, I saw that only one curved sausage and 2 hard boiled eggs remained. So I arranged them obscenely and came into my room to download more useless programs.

I'll update better this weekend when I have my day off. You know the drill.

I got my BMG CD's. I also ordered a digital camera. And put a CD Player on layaway at Alco. I should also be saving up for Mariah tickets next month. But I'm distracted. With my phone bill, that means:
$20 + $25 + $40 + $30 = at least $100 for bills per month
$65 + $100 = $165 for tickets and a hotel in Canadadadada
$70 for feeding myself and my cats
$20 for feeding my nicotine addiction
$100 for feeding my alcohol addiction
$50 for gas money
I have to make at least $520 to pay that crap.

Which leaves me about another $50 if I get all my 39 hours/wk. Because the most I could probably make a month is $600 at minimum wage. I got too excited to finally have a job. I really shouldn't have overspent myself.

Plus, everyone keeps borrowing money from me. Desi borrowed $25 on Monday for gas and said she'd pay me back that Thursday, she called yesterday, left a message telling me to call her. I was too tired. So she calls that night saying, "Where were you? I was going to pay you back but now I spent it at the casino." Blaming it on me for not calling back that afternoon. I was pissed. I'm completely broke. You know, I bust my ass for $5.15/hr at my job part-time. She works at the casino full-time. Which is at least $3 more/hr. I mean, just because I don't have kids or a lovah, doesn't mean I'm any less entitled to the money I make. Blah.

And I keep forgetting who else borrowed money. I should really keep tabs.

When I drive home from work, I can't help but feeling empowered. To finally have a job and drive an automobile. To have at least a temporary purpose in life. I'm really grateful. To be off welfare is quite the blessing.

PS. A couple days ago my poop was green. It was the coolest. I was gonna write a whole entry about it that day but I had to poop like 3 times and that took up most of my day.

Current Mood: grateful
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